I teach fitness classes for seniors. I am blessed to get to see how vibrant and healthy aging looks every day. Maybe I should expect some losses given this population but I was not expecting Bobbie to pass away any day soon. She was a shining example to me of the benefits of a healthy lifestyle. She exercised at a challenging level most days. She had her eating habits in line and sugar was out of her diet. She had a happy primary relationship and tons of friends in the community. Bobbie’s closet and pictures were crazy organized. Following a successful career as a real estate agent, she was traveling and enjoying retirement. She did everything right.
It doesn’t seem fair that she’s gone. They say she went to the hospital but they sent her home where she died. It seems like it could have, should have, been prevented, but that’s not the way life works. It’s fear that says things like, “It could have been prevented.” That’s the way I can go on telling myself that it won’t happen to me, but it will.
I told the following story to our class about Bobbie. It is a story she told me about herself.
A long time ago she left a difficult relationship. She had no job and she had no money. Despite these facts, she bought herself an expensive watch, a watch she could not afford. This was not an impulse buy, she bought the watch as an expression of faith in good things to come. These good things were not clear, there were no guarantees that she’d be able to pay for the watch. Call it faith or call it a positive attitude or whatever you choose. It was the choice to trust instead of fear.
If no amount of exercise will prevent the unpreventable and being “good” won’t save me, why do it? What I’m thinking is it doesn’t matter what I chose or do not choose that is important but why and how I choose. If I exercise like a maniac because I am in fear for my health, my body, my life, I think I need to reevaluate. If I choose it because it is a source of joy or loving self-discipline, that is a different decision.
It gets a little tricky, doesn’t it? Fear hides behind some of the best decisions and some of the worst. There are clues, but that’s for another post. What I want to take away from this story is this: I want to do what I can, every day, every moment, not to be motivated by fear. I want to choose trust like Bobbie did.